Hold on, pain ends ; HOPE

It’s hard to believe the people who left you behind would want you to be happy. I often wonder if I could say one last work to Natalie, what it would be … what would your last words be to a person you’ve loved and lost? I haven’t blogged in a while, yet for that

And the world still continued

After losing Natalie, my writing became on a hold. I’ve been trying to write again. It’s now I realise that even if I stop doing things, the world doesn’t stop. It felt like my world hand ended, but everyone else was still living. Part of me hated that, and part of me is thankful of

What grieving made

Grieving hits in waves. I think I’m surfing and then I’m suddenly pulled under by your weight as if you’re drowning and there’s nothing I can do. Grieving pulls together a family but also tears us apart and how did you expect us to cope with that? Grieving makes me feel guilty and makes me

Nearly six months gone after you lost your fight.

Have you ever lost your favourite book Your favourite pen? Phone? DVD? Body spray? iPad? Knitting? Homework? Have you ever lost your dog? Have you had a pet that has died? That maybe grew up with you or with your own children? Have you ever had a friend who lost someone close to them? Or

This one is for you

After six long months of restraints, assessments, sections, max observations, being restricted to a ward, losing my sister to suicide, wanting to die and wanting to hurt myself, I’m back home and a week into my discharge. This time it was different. As much as I was happy to be coming home, the thought of

Grieving.

It happens in many ways. At different times. Different for every person. Tomorrow will be seven weeks since my sister completed suicide. It feels more like last week. It’s still raw. It’s still hard and truth is it’s going to be for a long time. There’s always going to be a whole in my heart

It’s not goodbye, just goodnight ⭐️

Yesterday, four weeks and one day after my sister Natalie ended her life, we had the funeral. I can’t explain the anxiety and sadness it caused. But I know it really hit me when Natalie was outside our house and our transport came to take us to north thoresby chapel. Panic, fear, sadness, tears, anger,

Losing my sister and best friend to suicide.

How am I meant to start a blog like this? It’s been three weeks and one day. I was worried about my sister, natt and I called the police. I’m currently inpatient on a psychiatric ward and several hours later, police turned up at the ward, staff took me to them, told me to sit

Mental Health awareness week

“You dress nicely, you must be doing well”. “You’ve got make up on, you must be feeling a lot better”. “You’ve been with a friend? Wow you’ve really beaten this”. “You got out of bed, it just shows how much better you’re doing”. “You self harmed? But you’re not doing it all the time which

Living with BPD after an acute admission

Its been just over two weeks since I was discharge from the acute ward. Just over three weeks since I was taken of section 3. And its hard. I always think to myself, how much detail should I go into on my wordpress blog because to me this is for me to blog to share